Who is That Girl?

The fetish of routine and the search for ritual / a kale, bean and shrimp stew for these cold, cold days

She wakes up early, makes her bed, puts on a perfectly fitting athletic ensemble and makes a matcha or a warm lemon water. She faces the sun while doing her morning exercises and then she sits down to write in her (five minute) journal. In the accordion of her time, every little task has a place and a purpose, and this is her morning routine, an important part of her perfectly designed life. She is That Girl and if the trending videos on pretty much every platform are any indication, we are obsessed with the idea of her.

When I first stumbled upon the That Girl videos, I was the midst of isolation, in my new Long Covid rabbit hole and the interminable feeling that something even more dreadful was just around the corner, suddenly and endlessly living the same day over and over again, not knowing what this unknown illness was doing to my body and brain.

After absorbing all that unrealistic and aspirational content, one day I shuffled to my kitchen and searched my freezer for anything resembling fruits and vegetables. I dug out the NutriBullet and I made myself a smoothie with an ice-covered block of frozen spinach, a handful of oats, half a frozen peach and some water. I wanted something bright and nourishing to pull me out of of the darkness. I wanted to feel well. And what better than a pretty glass filled with something green to give you that impression, right?

Pretty soon, the smoothie became my routine and I began to spend a small fortune at the grocery store, dreaming up ridiculous ideas for things to blend. Building that routine helped me become more consistent with buying groceries, which meant I had more fresh things to cook. I found my way back to my kitchen and there was purpose in my days and nights again. I wasn’t in total darkness, worried about what was happening to my body; I was busy blending, chopping, sautéing things to build me up from the inside. I felt human again.

This is where my ability to create and follow a routine begins and ends. I have tried for years to become a person of routine. Someone who can decide to incorporate something into their day and then just…do the thing. But just as suddenly as it began, one day the daily smoothie routine went away. I no longer felt the need to “optimize my nutrients” in the same way that I felt when I was desperately reaching for a sense of wellness.

I still make smoothies several times a week, but it is not in the same way as before. Now I make them for fun, and I don’t mind if there’s not a vegetable, a fruit and a healthy fat represented in each glass. Still, this is the time of year when people’s healthy routines and my lack thereof are most glaring. The old comparison monster rears its ugly head and I ask myself why I can’t just become more disciplined. But a few days ago I stumbled upon this quote by Maya Angelou:

“Because of the routines we follow, we often forget that life is an ongoing adventure…and the sooner we realize that, the quicker we will be able to treat life as art: to bring all our energies to each encounter, to remain flexible enough to notice and admit when what we expected to happen did not happen. We need to remember that we are created creative and can invent new scenarios as frequently as they are needed.”

That Girl is not the first one to preach about the virtues of a perfectly optimized, wellness-focused routine. Routine is fetishized in our society as a way for us to become more productive people; machine-like in our ability to optimize ourselves and our time so that we can devote the most of our energies and abilities to the work we must do. But from now on, I am going to take my cue from Maya and remember that we are created creative, and that means I can let each day show me what it will be, instead of lamenting my inability to structure my life into the same “healthy” activities everyday.

Instead of a routine, I have rituals that are driven by need. I live in a studio and if I see my unmade bed in the middle of the day I will feel like my entire world has crumbled around me so I need to make my bed as soon as I get out of it. I need coffee in the morning so I make an espresso and froth some milk (obsessed with this pistachio milk at the moment) and I enjoy it slowly. I have a lot of thoughts in the morning, so I need to make time to sit and write them down. And, perhaps most importantly lately, I need to feel something other than anxiety or dread for the day ahead, so I turn on a show or a movie depending on how much time I have before I need to start work. In all my years of searching for discipline and routine, this is the best I have been able to fathom. And I am finally learning that this is enough for me, that my life is not aimless just because I don’t follow a wellness routine.

And what is wrong with being aimless anyway? Isn’t wandering aimlessly the best way to find something entirely new?

Something to Cook: kale, bean and shrimp stew

A small note about these recipes: Most of the time, I cook for one and while I will do my best to add measurements, I typically do not measure well or consistently. I encourage you to trust your instincts.

Ingredients:

• 1 bunch kale, chopped

• 1 small red onion, diced

• 2 carrots, diced

• 1 celery stalk, diced

• Garlic (as much as you want but I use about 5 cloves), diced

• 1 can cannellini or other white bean of your choice, thoroughly washed and drained

• Choice of shrimp, peeled and deveined (I like the Argentine red variety because it tastes a little like lobster!)

  • If you use frozen shrimp, just defrost it first so you can control the cooking time in the stew

• A handful of fresh Italian parsley, chopped

• Extra virgin olive oil

• one lime

• Spices (can vary by taste, but I typically choose):

  • Smoked paprika, dried oregano, salt, freshly ground black pepper, dried red chili

Method:

Begin by sauteing the onion, carrots and celery over medium heat with the olive oil until the carrots begin soften. Add the spices except for the dried chili and turn down the heat to medium low, stirring occasionally and adding drops of water as needed (to prevent sticking), for about 5 minutes. This is where the flavor is built, so it’s an important step.

Add the kale and stir to combine. After about 3 minutes add the beans and two parts water (2 cans of water for 1 can of beans). Turn the heat back up to medium high and let it come to a boil.

Once boiling, turn the heat down to medium low and let it simmer for about 15 minutes.

Add the shrimp and the dried red chilies (if using) and let it cook for about 3-5 minutes or until the shrimp is cooked, then take it off the heat.

Serve with the parsley, a squeeze of the lime and an extra drizzle of olive oil.

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If you made it this far, here’s your reward: Something to Read is a new feature of this letter (new year, new me). If I have read something that I would recommend to a friend, I’ll include it here.

Something to Read:

Yesterday I came upon this article from a few years ago and read it with the kind of fervor only a good story told well can awaken. It’s about Napoleon Hill, the self-help guru who wrote Think and Grow Rich. I have an ongoing fascination with people who decide they know how we should live our lives, and then go about preaching their ideas with authority. I mistrust them deeply, so I like to know about them, and this article was right up my alley. You’ll like it if you (like me) enjoy a good scam story.

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And, finally, a programming update: I’m transitioning Take Your Time to bi-weekly for a while, so I can make time for a couple of other projects I’ve started.

I hope your days are peaceful and gentle, and that you’re staying as safe and sane as possible.

Thank you for being here.

All my best,

Lidiya